A Life Cycle of Wanting More

When I was a child, the kids used to make fun of me for being ugly. All I ever wanted was for a girl to like me.

Then, I met these girls who thought I was cute, and all I ever wanted was one of them to like me.

Then, I got along well with more girls, but by then, soon as I was 15, I wanted to graduate high school early to be ahead of everyone else. I wanted to stand out.

Then when I turned 17 and started my university studies, I did poorly on my first midterm exams. All I wanted at that point was just a university education.

Then I studied very hard and ended up with a 4.06/4.33 GPA in my first year, and thought I was capable of much more. I wanted to be through 4 years of university and graduate with my degree at age 19, and then go onto graduate school one day. I didn’t care about girls anymore. I just wanted to be one of the few elite academics.

Then I just wanted a car of my own, my first car. I worked a series of low-paying jobs and saved the cash towards my first, a BMW 328i m-sport. I used to clean and wash it everyday, and change things like the oil and filters on my own. I bought my own tools, jack stands, and jacks, and always would pop open the engine lid to stare at the heart of my car. In my spare time I would read as much as I could about my car to learn more about it. I drove it to random places that I never been to before and wanted to be with her forever.

Then a series of terrible financial, academic, emotional, family, and economic issues and conditions as well as a car accident plunged me into a deep hole of depression. I got 3.5 years of university experience by that age, but no degree. Though, I did gain a tremendous amount of knowledge and still have 3.5 years of university experience on-paper at age 19. Then, I just wanted to make some money to patch some financial wounds, buy a newer car, save some money, and go back home.

Then I wanted a girl to actually like me, not just think I am cute and talk to me when she gets lonely. I got attention from girls and phone numbers fairly regularly, and some dates. But many times I could not get anything to come out of them. We would sit with each other and talk, but little more. Gradually I learned that you’re supposed to be direct- flirt, hold her hand eventually- but not get sexual until you’ve known her for some time- generate some spark. But eventually I felt guilty about getting girls excited or sleeping with them if I did not intend to date them, so I kept my distance from and didn’t actively flirt or talk to someone if I was not actually interested in her. Especially because my main priority in life by then was to well, get a career and make money. Not date, unless we were a match. Most young girls just want to have fun, and I had other much further intentions in life. I have went out with older women before, but then there was the age difference problem. For example, I met one who wanted to settle down and have kids, but I wanted to be rich, and life was just beginning for me. The oldest I spent time with, I never asked, but I think she was in her 30s. I was 21 (but, I am often told I look my mid to late 20s, so I could get away with it). I still remember her holding me to the wall as we were kissing, and she seemed like a nice lady from what I learned when we conversed.  Overall, I just left that life alone. I often feel sad about it.

In August 2013, I was about to go back to university. But I did not want my efforts in Alberta to be in vain, as I did not make any money that summer net of my expenses, but did not want to give up. Gradually I learned of the potentials of the oil patch, and then told myself I wanted my own place, a Porsche, and money to finish my school- by the age of 22-23.

Then I just wanted to get fit so I wouldn’t look like such a little guy.

Then I just wanted to have the perfect body- model material. A funny goal that has kept me going to the gym everyday, or every 2 days despite working 12+ hour days. And I spend my spare time calculating in my head precisely the next time I can eat a certain food by taking x and dividing it by y, where x = calories of whatever I last ate, y = (0.6 or 0.7)(maintenance calorie hourly rate), then I add this result to the current time to find out when I can eat next.

Then I just wanted to get on the rigs to escape Fort McMurray as I was just trapped in a poor-paying labour job in a place I didn’t like. At that point, the rigs seemed like heaven. And,  Power Engineering seemed like the road to riches, as I could use it to get back up to Fort McMurray again and make good money.  Unfortunately neither of those plans worked out, but I managed to wipe out more than $10k of debt in just a winter.

Then I hated my pickup and wanted a fun car, and found one, a BMW 335i limited edition convertible. I still wanted a Porsche, my school done one day, and my own place. But such plans seemed so distant.

Then I just wanted my Class 1, so I could always have work and make 6-figures in the oil patch. I wanted to use that to work until I got into Power Engineering. So over this summer, I got my Class 1 shortly after my 21th birthday and ever since I have been running trucks.

Then, I found my apprenticeship and now I want to finish it, so I can eventually use my completed trade to make money in Fort McMurray. So now I don’t have to worry about Power Engineering. Having a trade will get me oil patch work too and good money. Plus it was the trade I liked more than the others.

Then, I still wanted a Porsche, a house, and possibly my education one day.

Then, I wanted to get rich from the oil patch- make enough money so I could theoretically generate enough investment income to live without having to work.

i.e. Retire early one day.