Dilemma of Pains of the Past
My years of self-development have involved co-workers causing me to lose jobs, going through women looking for other guys with no direction in their lives, fighting the academic elites bred from Old Money and Foreign Money in UBC and Vancouver, and other grievances. The common logic is to move forward with your life, which I have always done. I’ve tried hard to forget the past, yet the pain still stays with me as I still add and delete phone numbers regularly, fight bankers who stand in my way of my financial goals, and deal with industry workers I cannot stand. I want to completely forget the past, but it has also made me stronger by the day; I’m often stuck between trying to forget, or trying to remember and using it as my power.
Many, many women throughout my time in Alberta have wasted my time, as illustrated in my previous blog entries: not showing up to dates last minute, playing hard-to-get games to see which lonely Alberta man is the most persistent, constantly obsessing over the ex and looking for other guys with no direction in their lives, just one day disappearing, or just making a career out of daydreaming about getting knocked up. Since the beginning of my years of self-development, even before coming to Alberta, I’ve always said over and over:
As men are busy chasing thirsty young dumb girls at the bar and sitting in front of the TV with a bag of chips, and women are making a career out of looking for the attention and affection of lonely guys with no direction in their lives, I work hard to advance everyday. Let them run each other into the ground. When they finally have themselves figured out, the fruits of their labour will be paying of my Ferrari.
It is this dilemma split- whether I should be numb to such minor nuisances in the grand scheme of things, or use it to my advantage to work harder, that has me stuck sometimes. I don’t know to decide if I should just turn a blind eye to the sheep with no ambition, or make myself work harder towards the day they’re still broken and wondering why they’re paying off my Ferrari. They’d then be wondering why they have wasted my time when I tried to be good to them. They’d be working for me, the shareholder, while I’d be retired early living off the investment proceeds of my portfolio.
Yet a good old high school buddy of mine says:
These people are idiots, but we also need these people.
Without directionless people working for us, the shareholder, spending debt up to their noses, and renting our properties, we would not have our dividend and rent cheques to enjoy.
Throughout my travels I’ve come across many women who’ve given me a dirty look or looked away when I looked at them, took no interest when I tried to get to know them, or refused to date me. Understandably I may be expecting too much as this is assumably normal for most men; many people just aren’t attracted to many others. Yet I can’t help but get angry at the drop in morale, as if I am just not an attractive man; not a tall, attractive, white man the women here like. I know that is not true, as I attract more attention than the average male here. I’m better than the average man. Nevertheless, it still angers me, as I put so much blood, sweat, and tears to make myself into what you see today, and attractiveness is something I can only change to some degree. Most will say to just not worry about it, as it’s not true I am the ugly, undesirable man they deem me to be. Even my uncle as a child has taught me:
Beauty is only skin deep. Men don’t need to be pretty. If you really want to look pretty then that’s what plastic surgery is for.
But everytime this pain crosses my mind, I always have longed for the day I rise above any of these women, and anyone they look past me for. I long for the day I fly by in my Ferrari and leave them in the dust. I long for the day I retire early while they are still working for me (either directly, or indirectly as myself being the shareholder). They will then be sorry they’ve ever looked down on me. I long for the day I become that attractive, successful male that they wish they could have, but by then I won’t want them anymore.
Back in Vancouver, my former academic and white-collar career dreams were destroyed admist the fierce competition in academia, even before getting into the hyper-competitive actual working world in my desired fields. Living was too expensive, and work scarce to make ends meet while still looking for money for school. Lots of menial jobs were filled with university degree holders with wealthy Banks of Mom and Dad just there as something to do. The worst part was the psychological impact- the mentality that there was no way out, unless you came from a privileged, well-off family, and were trained to compete with other similar. I want to forget about it as I am in Alberta now, and do not require white-collar’s hyper-competitive battles, nor Vancouver’s drama and economy. However I feel the war isn’t over. I want to still settle the score by reminding myself the competition is still climbing, as I left the white-collar ladder 4.5 years ago to restart on the blue one. I do not want to be outclassed. Fast forward a decade and we look at where we all are, I do not want to be the one behind everybody else left in the dust, like in the past. Many Asians and other white-collar superiority-absorbed races especially, long to prove to everybody else that the white collar path of life is the only one to success and prosperity. One former rival’s almost-religious instillment has been especially noteworthy:
When you’re finally done in the oilfield saving money, you’re just going to start again at the bottom in the office, and move up slowly, just like everybody else.
I want to prove that you can be successful without climbing the white collar ladder. I want to prove that a tradesman and/or entrepreneur who is good with his money can still be successful. I want to prove that you can still be successful by doing something different.
Many have doubted my belief in prioritizing economic efficiency over the figurative significance and perceived superiority of the university education and office job:
There is no such thing as fast money.
Though fast is subjective and relative term, it’s generally in this day and age, more efficient to not incur 4-8+ years of education costs and lost income just to come out making $30,000 – 50,000/year in a job most don’t even care for. Making the most efficient use of time and money, and then investing it, makes more sense. I’d like to be the example to put this theory to work.
I also want to do something different. Why does life have to revolve around a 9-5 job with a gradual, slow social ladder climb, and the worry that you will fall into financial turmoil if you piss off your boss and get fired? Why do we have to accept a working life until we are 65 or older?
When people hear of or see something they’re not used to, they often do so in disbelief. So many people have disapproved of me throughout my life. It often has isolated me. Many have thought of me and treated me as an idiot. Most say just to ignore them, but I like to take pride in proving them wrong. One woman I used to see, and another I used to casually spend time with, brainwashed by the common society’s expectation of a slow social ladder climb, exclaimed what most have:
What kind of person our age (24) needs a Porsche?
…maybe at the end of your career.
My response, though has sounded at first like one of an impatient child, reflects my aggressive goal-orientation:
Age, whether I am 20, 30, 40, 50, or 60- is not going to stop me from getting what I want.
Many have ridiculed me for my normally-perceived “unrealistic” goals. Thinking about everyone who has doubted me or looked down upon me has made me bitter. Yet, that same bitterness has increased my ambition, aggressiveness and risk appetite. If you attempt to prevent me from getting what I want, then I shall pry it right out of your hands. If it happens to be in a box, I’ll pry the box away, then smash it with a hammer. If I don’t have a hammer, I’ll find a wrench. If there is no wrench, then I’ll use some other metal object. This follows a common oilfield joke of workers using readily available similar objects as hammers when none are available, and symbolizes the just “get it done” mentality.
So many have looked at me as the spoiled rich kid, or the lucky young guy who somehow has money. Yet they don’t know the pains I’ve endured to get to where I am: 24 years old with two properties, a $101,900 MSRP car, 4.5 years of construction, oilfield, and pipeline experience, 4 years of university experience/studies, and 2 years of trade education.
When I got into a bad car accident, none of the people at the scene wanted to offer a witness statement, as I had been the perceived rich kid, and the woman a young hot blonde. How can someone go against the poor young cute girl and side with the rich young guy? I cringe everytime I think of what happened. I want to forget about it, yet I dream to see the witnesses and woman painfully slowly paying off my rental properties and inflating my bank shares with their debt payments. It shall be Karma’s payback.
Then because I am Asian, and many Asians just happen to be spoiled kids with wealthy parents, many assume I’m just another. If they don’t, then they think I do things I should not. Many, especially many bankers who know I do not fit the rich Asian kid category, look at me as I am doomed to fail: overextended, work in volatile industries, partially self-employed, and an aggressive risk taking investor. I want to prove that by diversifying my avenues of revenue, and being a very aggressive hustler in each, I can make my financial picture work, and exceed mostly everybody else. I want to prove, that a well-off young Asian guy can exist without rich parents. I want to prove that a young person can be successful if he/she has ambition, does the right things with his/her assets, works hard and efficiently, is not afraid of pain, and makes every day of his/her life worthy towards a glorious future. I want to prove that making a career out of chasing dumb time-wasting girls or looking for lonely guys, sitting in front of the TV with a bag of chips in the spare time, and living a directionless life, is not the best philosophy of life. I want to prove that why what I do, is the more logical variant, and it works.
Across the oilfield I’ve had many people cause me grief by making me lose work. A wanna-be foreman told the foreman I was playing with my phone in the truck, when he was talking to his wife over his when he was supposed to be showing me what to do. He saw the car I drove and gave the “young rich kid” dirty look. He caused me to lose work for a month and half. Up north at Syncrude, I worked with a pretentious outfit where people acted like they were kings when they were really useless outside being labourers and walking around the plant. Supervisors were often given the position based on connections rather than merit, and did not much aside from picking favourites and enjoying their newfound power of sending people home. Many of the workers knew little of the work they were paid to do, and sat around and did not much. They were like an entire family and hated anyone who wasn’t desperate for work and anyone not in their “inner circle”; they wanted dogs who all knew each other, not people from elsewhere, and I did not make the cut. There are many other similar scenarios I’ve faced. These people are just losers who the industry will get rid of all at once, and being not quality workers themselves, they likely don’t find work again. So I really shouldn’t care, yet I still long for the day they see me in my Ferrari and they’ve lost their homes and much of what they worked for, as Karma’s payback for ruining other fellow workers’ livelihood.
Many people brainwashed into the widespread employee-only mentality believe working for someone else is the only way to happiness and success. Many believe people who want to better themselves and do something different, are greedy sinners who just want to make money. Entrepreneurs are viewed as risk takers who some get rich off the backs of the hardworking [employees], or are bound to fail as they take such large risks. People are told just to go to school and get a job. Aggressive investors are viewed as people doing dangerous things with their money doomed to fail:
How dare you take risk? How dare you get into debt to get ahead? We must make it harder and harder for people like you to get debt, as you are a cancer to the financial system. Stocks? Stocks are risky, don’t even touch them! Don’t look at return on equity or return on investment, only look at cashflow and cash-on-cash return. Don’t work in the oil patch, it’s risky! Don’t buy any real estate in Alberta, it’s risky because oil prices are low! Electric vehicles are going to destroy the market for oil!
I want to prove that you don’t have to work for somebody else to be successful. I want to drive in my Ferrari, by everyone who has doubted me, and one day have them working for me. I want to prove, by being a successful business owner, I can create jobs. I want to prove to the financial regulators and bankers who hate risk takers like myself and stand in my way, that they are not the know-it-alls they think they are. I want to prove, by using the public’s savings (i.e. bank debt), I can generate value to economy instead of it collecting in chequing and savings accounts doing little. I want to prove that being an aggressive investor can produce a successful happy life of financial freedom.